Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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