I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
