you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
