I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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