when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
