we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
