You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
