I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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