Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
