when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
