This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
its liver damage thursday
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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