so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
