at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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