Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
