The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
