I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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