don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
