just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
