I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
