wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
