4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
