My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
