btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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