It's like God shit irony all over that family
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
We need to rekindle our bromance
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
