It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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