dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
