Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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