They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
