I'm going to jail i love you
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
