How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
