it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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