Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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