i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize