Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
