She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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