He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
