do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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