just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
