worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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