so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
