the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
