you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If I die, sorry about rent.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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