im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
