if only i could text you this smell
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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