im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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