he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
