She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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