why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
