pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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