my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
