Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
