he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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