Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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