I heard we made out
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
