Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
