I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
