i barfeds in our rink
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Drunk is not a location!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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