OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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