Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
