rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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