she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
