hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize