This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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